-
I wish I could let myself be weak for once. I want to be able to break down and just start crying and know that someone will be there.
But I can’t.
I’m alone allllll the time except at work.
I’m tired of being so upset all the time and then putting on my happy face when I’m around friends.
This weekend was so hard for me. Yeah, there have been people that I’ve talked to about it, but I don’t think anyone that I’ve told has really understood how much it hurts. How scared I am for what is to come.
While my parents were balling at the funeral, I had to keep my composure. I had to be strong and not cry. It would have made them cry more. I had to put on my brave face.
Then to find out that a really special person and family that I love are about to go through a hell of a lot makes it worse. I wish that I could be there for them. With them through it all. But I can’t. All I can do is pray that everything will be okay. I know it’s not though. I know that this is going in the wrong direction. I’m so scared for them.
I know that everything happens for a reason. But I’m scared. I feel so alone all the time. I know that I’m not, that there are people, but no one really understands. No one wants to talk about it.
All I want is to be weak. To cry a little. Or a lot. And to be held and told that everything is going to be okay. I know that it will. It’s just nice to hear it.
